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04 December 2005 @ 07:24 pm
Tristeza não tem fim. Felicidade sim* Really now.  
Perhaps all the things that I could have written about would all seem ancient history by now. Or all the interesting events in the past six months have become a hazy blur. And all I wanted to write about, but was just too darned lazy to do so, no longer matters. Surely, you must all be tired of being faced with that "...fine way he plays a Steinway" (Oh, but I'll never tire of hearing it). Whatever applies--here I am, back with another sporadic entry.

In the half year or so, I have been amazed with the way other people have written of their employed/unemployed angst. I've been entertained time and again by my sister's hilarious and ever-so-witty entries. I have blog-hopped to death, read the usual fare and then some. All this, while I grappled with my own thought process, only hoping to type once again, instead of maintaning an inactive blog with words floating away in my head.

And of course, there's the hottest topic I have not touched on... my entry into the workforce. It has been so long; long enough that I've gone from Millward Brown Hell to Heaven and back over and agin, gotten my nth paycheck, and used up so many stored value MRT cards. It's just a cycle, with peaks and valleys, with the tough times seeming so much tougher and longer when you're there, and the good times always ending too soon.

If I'd written in June, it would have been laidback, unreal. That wonderful time of being in the middle of two worlds, education and employment. Vacation, job-hunting, bumhood, call it what you wish, but I did treasure every moment.

If I'd written in July, it would have been fresh, anxious, hopeful. Newly-employed me, asking that question (and to borrow Cole Porter's words), "What is this thing called...market research?" Have I found the answer? More or less. Do I like what I've found? More often than not is a wishful reply.

If I'd written in August, it would have been toxic, stressful, questioning. I'd share stories of office conflicts (imagine me having issues!), being reprimanded by a client, bracing oneself from the shock of a demanding workload, and just plain wondering whether I was in the right place.

If I'd written in September, I'd speak of long hours, even overnights in true CommRes fashion. Projects that never go away. Clients who demand to no end. The MRT lines getting chaotic with each passing day. And I, living for the weekend.

If I'd written in October, it would be all about the good life. The downtime from the frenetic pace of previous months. The promise of a semi-vacation. The chance to explore qualitative research. Looking forward to a brother's return. And just being able to say that I've learned to adjust 'cause I decided I'd stay and give it a shot.

And how can I forget? Passing the minimum probation period of 3 months and becoming a regular employee, with regular bouts of stress and the very familiar overtime. Only one thing remained irregular--sales of stored value cards.

If I'd written in Novemeber, it would be about a reluctant acceptance and the realization of how the corporate world turns. How I can't believe I have to work again so hard and so soon. How the trouble with vacation is getting back to the grind. How it's happened that work is all I've ever imagined it be--demanding. How it's just another notch (okay maybe several notches) higher, and tougher than the previous phase I was in, and yet efforts put in have been more than I could fathom. How people say that there's a reason it's called work and not play.

Thankfully, as stress levels at the work place peak once more, the everyday commute eases a bit. Then you find yourself being recognized in the smallest of ways, and you find some worth in what you do, no matter how mundane it seems. And December starts to feel like a merry Christmas. You take your thrills where you can, right?

I remember that long before I started looking for work, I watched this movie called "In Good Company." It was one of the many things that inspired to me to get off my butt and do something productive on the job hunt front.

In this film, the adorable Topher Grace takes the lead as Carter Duryea, a young hotshot marketing man being groomed for the big time. In the process, he takes over the job of Dan Foreman (Dennis Quaid), and falls in love with Dan's daughter played by the gorgeous Scarlett Johansson. After another corporate re-organization Carter is sacked from the job, but receives an offer from Dan to work with him again. To this, he answers:

I don't know what I want to do. I know that I want it to mean something, the way that this means something to you.

Simple enough lines, but it's all very true. I'd like to find that golden mean, and approach my job as something more than just a thing to pass my time with or something to earn money from. And seeing that I am surrounded by people who have dedicated themselves to this field, I'd want to find something I can really throw myself into with more passion and positivity.

I want to reach a point where I can tell myself I wouldn't mind doing 'this' for a good chunk of my lifetime. Whether I care to face it or not, I will actually need to work for self-sustenance at some point. As it is, I am basically just working for the experience and the need to start somewhere. What am I complaining about? I have a roof over my head and meals to my heart's content, without the bills that normally accompany it.

I'm taking an open-minded stance, as I've seen few precious glimmering moments of enjoying this job. I just know I need to learn to love what I do.

Now, writing in retrospect, I've had the chance to experience that things do get better. If I am to believe in Vinicius de Moraes' lyrics, "Sadness has no end, happiness does," I might as well cease to live. Truly, it's not all bad, there's just that tendency to lapse into more self-pity than the prescribed healthy dose.

Even as I give myself that leeway to do a little complaining now and then, I have to double my efforts to rise above the drudgery of work and routine. And as I crawl my way to Christmas, God only knows I'm working on it.

So my dear friends, I have had my share of the seemingly de rigeur 'I'm hired...what now?" post. I hope to move on to more positive thoughts. I'm actually happy--somehow, I really am :)

*Roughly translated as, "Sadness has no end; happiness does." Taken from the Jobim-de Moraes song, A Felicidade.
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Let it Snow - Diana Krall
acidsassy_semplang on December 4th, 2005 06:46 pm (UTC)
The universal truths (universal to all 22 year olds at least) in this post, it made me smile, tear, and wince.

I think I've always loved the way you write. It seems to just get better.
Pamelajamypye on December 7th, 2005 09:48 am (UTC)
Thanks Jeannie :) Nice(?) to know you could relate to it. Soon enough, we'll all find out what we want, and actually find ways to get it. For more apt life soundtracks, listen to Jamie Cullum's 'Twentysomething'
Pattywoodycakes on December 7th, 2005 12:37 am (UTC)
oh dear... one entry of yours blows ALL of my entries out of the water! jeannie's right, you're getting even better. Glad to know you can still write narratives and not just market research stuff.

by the way, Carter is not only a hotshot, he's hot too :D ♥
Pamelajamypye on December 7th, 2005 09:42 am (UTC)
Yeah, that's what pushes me to write. I might forget how :)

Grabe ka naman Pats--we all love your entries. Just what weary working people like us need to brighten our day. And I'm the president of your fans club.

Go Topher Grace!!! Hehe.
kiwicoffee on December 12th, 2005 03:33 pm (UTC)
haha! yeah pats! your entries are stress-relievers. hilarious comedy with a lot of substance. :) at least you guys have good entries. I just rant in mine. sometimes, they become so incoherent and stupid. :)
acidsassy_semplang on December 12th, 2005 07:07 pm (UTC)
at least you guys have good entries. I just rant in mine.

Yeah. While these Lazatin girls have entries filled with insights so moving, so funny, and sometimes painfully true, we tend to have entries that are more like random life updates or (in my case) straight-up nonsense made for pure entertainment.

Strangely enough, though, I think both kinds well reflect what its like to be a class AB 18-25 year old female from the capital of a third world country. (Naging ethnography ba naman!?) :D
Patty: 12woodycakes on December 14th, 2005 07:44 am (UTC)
glad to know my life is causing tummies to ache with laughter. :D
acidsassy_semplang on December 12th, 2005 06:51 pm (UTC)
And I'm the president of your fans club.

I WANNA JOIN THE FANS CLUB!! :) Mabuhay si Patty!
kiwicoffee on December 13th, 2005 06:41 pm (UTC)
here! here!
Pattywoodycakes on December 14th, 2005 07:45 am (UTC)
hahaha!!! :D mabuhay si jeannie!
Patty: 02woodycakes on December 14th, 2005 07:42 am (UTC)
thanks dear. ♥ people are too sweet.
kiwicoffee on December 12th, 2005 03:32 pm (UTC)
a very inspiring and well-crafted entry. bow down to the queen!
Pamelajamypye on December 17th, 2005 12:30 am (UTC)
Thanks for the generous praise! You're all too kind. Hehe.

Basta, lahat ng kaibigan ko nakaka-bilib, nakaka-aliw at may 'sense' magsulat :)
(Anonymous) on December 18th, 2005 03:37 am (UTC)
...AND THE BLOG LIVES! :D yehey! (huli na pala ako makabasa!) in fairness ha, galing ng summary. ilang buwan mo din kami pinaghintay pero nalagay naman yung mga nangyari nung ilang buwna nadin na yun. hehe. yep, i agree with all the praises here. you write REALLY well pamy!... that's why i wish i could read more of your entries [hint, hint ;) ]. that and how your entries are my indirect way of keeping up with what's happening in your life since we rarely get to talk/see each other these days...about the soul searching slash quarter life crisis slash career dilemmas. hay. i guess there are no short cuts to getting to the figuring it all out part. but yes, let's consciously try to take time and celebrate the good bits when we can and in the process, keep somewhat sane.
p.s. sayang di ka makakpunta sa thurs! pero keri, kahit sa january na. amishu! -tin
Pamelajamypye on December 20th, 2005 07:12 am (UTC)
Sayang talaga! I was really looking forward to seeing you guys this 'break'. Who knows, kahit mag meet up na lang tayo sometime late December? Yep, ganyan talaga blog ko...minsan-minsan lang (kaya nga siguro bagay din ang title ko noh? "Good to hear from you" kasi limited edition ang mga entry. haha!